So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
