So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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