i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
