sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
