You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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