Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
