Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
