Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
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