So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
