If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
