After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i came on her dog
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
