the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
