just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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