theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
