You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
