You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
