im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
