You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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