i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
