Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
