I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
