im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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