im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Randomize
