You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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