your room smells of hookers.
And success
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
