You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
