Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
