His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
