gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
