I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize