Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
