woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
