I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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