now i know why i became what i already was.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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