Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
