We named our party play list daddy issues
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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