I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i wish my penis had a tongue
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
