I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
