My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize