I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
