2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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