I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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