Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
