The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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