You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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