Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
