We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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