the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
