yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
