I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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