me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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