Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
