while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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