I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
