You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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