So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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