just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
