Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I have grass duct taped all over my body
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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