Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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