i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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