Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm just crazy horny about you
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
