I got chris browned last night
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
