puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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