She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
