dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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