its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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