this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We talked him into tasing himself.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
