I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize