wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
