Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
