My first STD was from a foam party
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He better not be in your backpack
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
