I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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