Having a random hookup so left but love u
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
