let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
